Watch out for red flags when dating
Dating is a kind of due diligence; it gives you the opportunity to get to know someone you might have feelings for. This process is very important because even though you may feel love, you may not be able to live together. Here are some mistakes that can put someone off, and some tools to help you get to know them better.
– Ask a ton of questions. It’s the # 1 thing daters need to learn. Believe me, you won’t get the answers you need from their online dating profile. Find out about your new past potential partners, and what their hopes and dreams are. There is a great book called â1000 Questions to Ask Before You Get Marriedâ by Monica Lehey.
– Make plans for the future too early. If you start talking about big changes or events early on; like wedding plans or choosing baby names, you can easily turn away an interested person. I remember an episode of “The Bachelor” where one of the women came down in a wedding dress. She didn’t have a rose. Go slowly.
– Staying with someone you know isn’t right for you, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings. If you know the person you are seeing isn’t the right one for you, let them know nicely. In fact, just saying that you don’t think the two of you are meant to be will allow the other person to move on with grace.
– Lying to yourself about how you feel. This is a very common rebound response. If you really want to be a couple and that’s your engine, chances are you’ll settle for someone who is just available, but not exactly right for you. If you are at this point in your life, it is wise to step away from the dating scene a bit until you have regained your emotional balance.
– Bringing your friend or relative on a date with a new man or girl is not the best way to get to know the other person and might make them uncomfortable. I understand the value of another person’s opinion and even bringing someone in if this is a first date so you feel safe. Just let your partner know what you would like to do and talk a bit about it if necessary. In general, your dates, unless they are planned as group events, should be just the two of you.
When you see red flags, whatever they are for you, don’t ignore them. If someone has done things in their past that conflict with your values ââor believe in things that make you uncomfortable, honor your own feelings and don’t do any other plans. A bad person can always make you feel good, at least for a little while, so be careful and don’t get pulled into a situation that might hurt you in the end.
Dating, relationships, and matings in a post-COVID world will be challenging, and you can avoid some painful mistakes with just a little common sense and the desire not to settle for less than you deserve.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D, is an award-winning therapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, author of seven books, and blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 27 million readers. Reach it at [email protected]. His column appears on Sundays and Wednesdays in News-Press.